He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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