You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
