btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The struggles of a small town man whore
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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