Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
