I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
