question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
