I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
