You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
