Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
there is glitter all over my balls
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
