wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
