Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize