So drunk its hurt
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
