I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
