Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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