Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
