Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
