I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
