Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
