How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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