My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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