u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
