I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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