Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
