Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
did i walk over a car last night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
