ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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