He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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