sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
