Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
