jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Vodka?
Forever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
