just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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