another moral hangover. fuck.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
