I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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