Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You ate ashes out of my bong
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
