We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
