im about as happy as oj after his trial
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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