Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
