I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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