Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
