They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
