I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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