I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
