Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My hand turned me down
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
