I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
smell my finger.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
