You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
