i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
