Your mouth is God's brothel.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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