It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
