i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize