my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
