I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
