Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
