i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize