you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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