take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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