SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
