I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
