i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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