ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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