i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize