I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
