how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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