Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
