you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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