the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We are all done wearing pants today
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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