I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
