I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
