Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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