Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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