He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
