On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
