i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
