every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
