You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
