That's intense
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
