There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
