Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
