bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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