Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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