Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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