3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
