do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
