Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
