i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
