there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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