dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
