It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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