Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
