Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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