Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
