I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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