and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
