i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
