I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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