I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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