I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
