we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize