I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
