I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
