I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were trust falling into bushes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
