soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
