Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
