i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
