i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
