I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
