I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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