FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
porn star boner night. come get it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
