He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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