All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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