Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
