he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
