It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
