summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
